im not an artist

so i just really just wanna have my own place. i wanna take my friends home and make them dinner. i wanna do this crazy nice dinner parties with too much wine and too much food. and i wanna live in sweden. close to my best friends.
why does 3 months have to be so stupid long time. its not that long time actually. but still it feels like forever. really like forever.

i wanna have my normal hair color back, im thinking of cutting it all off so that it will be coming back sooner. i could also just go and buy some "take away-the color in your hair"-stuff and that would do it for me. but i guess its just cheaper to just cut it off.

someone told me that i looked more happy one year ago, and thats probably true. a lot of stuff have happend this year, and im just not the same anymore.
i have changed.

so we change
thats pretty funny isnt it
that everything change.

i just love this i have so much energy and i feel so great
i have had this hole day just for myself, just all by myself and it was just great
and i just did what ever i felt for and i listened to swedish radio really loud
and cooked a lot of food and baked bread and danced in the kitchen
and i just feel that all of my creativity just crawls out of me its like
i just need this time for myself to get it all flow open
and its just not enough with a couple of hours on a day
i need like 3 days of nothing more than me and a house
or a room or what ever and nothing else
a roof and all of this air and my mind start working like crazy
and i see all of this crazy things that i could do and i know
that i can do them

i just need to get the energy and the kick in the butt
and i miss you all my best crazy lovely friends
stich , evelina , isabelle , terese  tineska
and all of you other people that i forgot to tell about

now im going to go to my awesome room and paint something nice before i go to bed
and i want stop before i really need to
and tomorrow im gonna paint my face
like really strange and walk around or go to san isidro
and maybe people will be really intersted and ask me questions
but i want be able to answer because i wont probably not understand what
they are saying but that doesnt matter

because nothing really matters
anymore
and actually i think i wanna be
a writer
and not a fucking circus artist
fuck circus


(ok i might i have gone out to hard there, because i do
like the circus too.. and it is pretty great i just do not really like
this fucking way of killing your body or that people theit seems
to think that if you dont train everyday and take everything reallyREALLY
seriously you are a freak or a hippie and cant be anything. or think that this
is the only thing in the whole world..)

BUT I CAN
i can be what the fuck i want to and i really dont care about what you think¨
or if my legs are straight or not
let them be curly and up tight
let them be all stupid
who cares
i dont

and for the second part
im not an artist

im Marina!