In the darkness the mysterium appears

Back on track !!

So I am here again after three strange but good weeks in Sweden I am back in Argentina. The first days was really terrible, because I suffered from really hard homesickness that I didnt thought would be possible.

My body felt like it was made of iron and I couldn't get the hand on anything. I just did not want to do anything. Just lie in the bed and sleep, cry and do nothing. I was just so tired and only the thought of going up in some trapece was just ridicoulus.

But after my first class since I came back here, in the silks wish I realized is what I actually really want to focus on in the circus practise, I don't care if it is really common or the thing that everyone use, I just love being up there, so who cares what other people think?

Aerial in general is what my heart goes fast for. And to combine this with performance art, with dance, and maybe theatrical elements are my dream.

That is What I want to do!

(and a bunch of other things of course, I am a multicoulored artist, but in the world we are living it is almost a most to make a living, hey?)

Well, so after my first class and some endorphins later, I started to see things in color again. And life didn't seem that miserable anymore. And this morning, I went out for a run, bought that adapter that makes me able to charge my computer again so that I can write this post, and watching some of the recent news on facebook I came across my aerial teacher in Ireland and she had put up a video on her website that really made my heart go faster and THAN I realized, why the hell the reason was that I came here!!

Because I love this, and I want to make art, I just want to practise as well. To get the strength and maybe some inspiration to make my own work. To find others that loves the same thing..
So here I am, in Argentina, far from everything, but still in peace and with love all around, doing my thing. What I want. With a purpose again. I just have to make it happen!!

Life is to short to wait for, just grab it and start living.

http://emilyaoibheann.com/

Its ok.

it hurts its like itchy spiders crawling all over
your dead eyes are haunting me

its ok.
of course i mean its ok
and i am very happy that you do not feel anything
no pain
no nothing
but i do not feel
anything
anymore

its like a year have gone
its like i am living in a dream
its like so strange
its like not real
its like nothing is real
anymore

its raining and i just do not want to go up from my bed
i just want to stay inside my shell forever

i do not want
to do
anything

i did one thousand
sit ups this morning
but i do not
feel
anything

but i think it is ok.

and at least it is summer

Acrobatics, everything on the same street, making saurkraut.

Just keep traveling

there is so much things i want to say,
i want to write you an email.

i was speaking to you in the phone today
and there are so many things i wanted to tell you
but there seems never to be the right time.

i want to hold you in my arms
but you are so far away
and i want to sit on that mountain
of yours
i want you to teach me meditation
and tai chi and all this things
and speak until the night become
morning
and i want to have sex with open eyes and
only with touch


i want it to be like before
i want everything to be totally different

you are new and so beutiful
i have just started to get to know you
what should i do
to tell you that my story
are far away clean

and i do not know where i am going.

“I love borders. August is the border between summer and autumn; it is the most beautiful month I know.

Twilight is the border between day and night, and the shore is the border between sea and land. The border is longing: when both have fallen in love but still haven't said anything. The border is to be on the way. It is the way that is the most important thing.” 
― Tove Jansson

and in the same time you just fucking hate it.
and love it
and hate it so much that you love it
that you love it so much that you hate it.



Just keep traveling.

Wake up to another world

 Running down, falling up. Flying under water.

There are nothing as lovely as consistence.

Hi friend. Lover.

You are still in my thoughts, there is nothing important to say to you now. We are all a small piece of this bigger thing, called life.

I am, what you see

Iam because I feel.

I feel, than I am.

I think, than I am

I trust than I believe

I can than I jump

I do because I want

There is maybe nothing that really is worth anything. Or is there something, than I do not know.

The smell of sweetness, with something sour in the touch of the air brushing against me.

I feel for crying. Lie in some-body,

 with some body nice.

Fuerza. I want to cry right down your opened eyes.

Cry your naked body wet.

Let me just lie in your arms tonight.

Soon there will be no more. Soon there will be no mass. Soon I open my eyes. Soon I fall. Into the darkness. I fall because I want. To.

What do I feel.

I wonder if I feel 

  I have so much energy. It is not normal. It feels like I could walk the world,

but actually I just want to lie in some

body’s arms tonight

listen to some

ones heartbeat

that its not mine 

as a change.

Hairy stuff

..so I buried a heart tonight and it all came true

We were all in this together, you can not try to find your way out of this now. It's too late for that now.
But I promise it will be worth it.

Hold my hands like that first time near the river. We dance under the stars and watch the sunrice behind those mountains. And I will die for you.

When we wake up from this dream of ours their will be no fears in the darkness, there will be no faces in the shadows. Only water drops on the top of your lips.

Lets do a groovy, lets dance the night away..

I miss contact improvisation so much. But soon I'll be dancing tango and maybe salsa as well, I guess I have to let that be some kind of replacement.

I have some small changes that I want to make happen, I want to try make a  30 minutes a day purpose to myself, 30 minutes to practise spanish, 30 minutes to write on my novel, 30 minutes to work on my webpage, 30 minutes to practise juggling, 30 minutes to practise other things, 30 minutes to do meditation.

Or creative stuff.. The only problem is that now we are all ready up in 3 hours, and that is probably more than I have every day, so I have to prioritise, and maybe make things every second day, and make a nice little schedule of it.
Because there is too many things that I want and wish I had the time to do.

And now its time for bed goood night.. !!

Oh yes its real and it is fresh. Sometimes when I look down on my legs and I am with people that are maybe not that used to see real body hair In Real Life so to speak, than I think.. oh., i shit I wonder what they are thinking now, maybe they think its ugly, this goes for maybe one second in my brain, but than I say:
HEY ! Stop, why do I care! If they do not like it, they certainly do not like me for the person that I am, and they would not be with me. Or with other words they could just fuck off, and leave.. !
No but seriously, I really think it is so booooooooooooooooring to shave, shave, shave.. yes. Why should I do something that is so boring and that actually grow back again in like a day. Which means I have to do it all over again.. I feel sorry for all those dudes out there who have to suffer with their beards every fucking day. (im sorry for the language) but it most be incredible irritating.. I just say let it GROW!
(but actually I am a little jelous as well, I have always had a secret dream of having a nice little red mustasch and beard someday.. oh I would look so pretty!)